Today, is the day.
Today, or rather, tonight, I begin my detox. This means no partaking of the herb for several weeks until I find a new job. I really want to leave Sears, because I haven’t had a shift in over 3 weeks and I have less than 11 dollars in my bank account at present. I am not in the mood to be broke! I am starting college in the fall and I want to have a safety net to fall back on once I suddenly begin incurring expenses. I can’t wait. I don’t even care about this summer, I just want college to start. All I can think about is leaving and starting over. I can be whoever I want to be once I get there. I wonder if I’ll find myself a very different person from whom I am now? If I do, so be it. I am ready for change. I’m ready to start living. I want to be in control for once in my life, to have to face each day head on and really make an effort to do the things I want to do. I haven’t had much experience in high school with being a part of a community. I guess that’s what home school does to you. I am so scared, at the same time as being sickeningly excited. I want to be a person that other people respect and see as having my shit together. I’m sure I’m going to make mistakes once I get there, and I’ll be depressed again and feel like a failure, but somehow I just know that life will be better once I figure it out. Just think, Ellen, just think. Stop living in the moment and really think. It’s as easy as that. Just be one step ahead of everyone else. So, yes, I’m planning now. And tonight is the first step on that journey. Tonight I begin to clean myself up and laugh in the face of apathy, which I’ve found myself languishing in for the past few months. I’m going somewhere. All of you left here in this boring town can kiss my sweet ass and I’ll see you at the top!
Wish I was a cat. And got to freaking snuggle all day.
(via hands-are-silent--voice-is-numb)
And in the morning, with your hangover, you drink to make the headache go away.
(Source: jennthemusical)
kismethappenss:
a look in side a hipsters room
thatswordfishhasaknife:
That is not a hipster’s room, that is the room of someone who enjoys acid very much and I would like to go there
(via shilohhkingg)
I just wish I didn’t have to try and find love. I wish it fell into my lap and wanted to stay there and never leave.